How Small Wins Can Make a Big Impact for You and Your Child
By REACH Clinical Team
For many families of children with autism, some days can feel very tough. Between work, managing your child’s schedule of therapies, the occasional meltdown or setback, maybe caring for other children and being a partner, there is a lot that goes into each day. But even on the most difficult days, there’s a tactic that can make things feel a little brighter: celebrating the small wins.
For parents of children with autism, celebrating the small wins is even more important for progress and peace. Raising an autistic child often means everything you encounter is big. Big meltdowns. Big sensory issues. Big medical bills. And big worries wondering if you’re doing a good enough job. Unsurprisingly, it also means you’re looking for even bigger rewards for dealing with it all, and understandably so.
If you’re not mindful, the weight of all those big things can surely start weighing down the whole family. Plus the continuous focus on shortcomings with little recognition of wins and the inability to extend grace affects your internal dialogue, which can lead to more stress and anxiety.
Here are six reasons why it’s worth it to celebrate wins and extend grace to yourself daily.
Why You Should Celebrate the Small Wins
- It gives you the chance to play and relax.
Turning that small win into a celebratory dance party can be exactly what you need to regroup, reframe, relax and see potential opportunities in your current situation; especially when those situations are stressful for everyone involved.
- It’s encouraging for your child.
When 87 percent of the autistic population suffers from fine motor skills, it’s likely harder for them to have success with many of the tasks neurotypical people can usually do without issue. Some of these skills include things such as writing their name, playing a physical game, or even opening a jar—all things that are common focuses in therapies and social situations. This can lead to frustration if there are seemingly no signs of improvement.
Encouraging your child when they are making an effort or showing progress leads to kids who are more motivated and more likely to do things for their own merit and satisfaction as opposed to the approval of others, according to a report from Utah State University.
- You’ll feel better about yourself.
One of the hardest parts about parenting children with autism is never knowing how to manage day-to-day life and whether or not you are doing a good job.
It’s important to do what you can to make sure you don’t sit in those negative feelings forever. One easy way to do that is to acknowledge all you’ve managed to do and all the things you get to do, she suggests. Instead of saying “I have to,” say, “I get to.” Switching the language in this way is not meant to dismiss the stress and pain associated with raising a child with autism. It’s merely a tool to help you recenter when times are tough, she said.
- It stops the need for comparison.
When the basis of autism care and diagnosis is heavily reliant on development milestones in comparison to neurotypical children it makes sense that parents and children routinely compare their abilities. Comparing yourself to others isn’t always a bad thing, but when it results in devaluing yourself or your child’s capabilities, it’s problematic. That’s where celebrating your small wins come in. It gives you the opportunity to highlight what you or your child are capable of, even when it is necessary for you to make those comparisons, such as when it’s required to receive therapeutic services or help in school.
Hold yourself accountable by keeping a list of all that makes you and your child amazing. Create a list of the top ten accomplishments and store it on your phone for easy access to call on when discouraged or anxious—the times when it’s harder to recall what makes you or your child incredible.
- Those small wins are often big wins in disguise.
Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither is a child on a mission to function peacefully and be more accepted and accepting of themselves in an ableist society. Maybe your teenager still hasn’t understood the concept of blurting out rude phrases when speaking or your six-year-old is still smearing poop on the wall.
But maybe your teen was apologetic after being rude. And perhaps your daughter actually felt dirty with poop on her hands this time around and gestured for you to help her wash her hands. It may not be what you’re hoping for but it’s a step in the right direction and a sign of things to come. It’s often those small steps that are so often forgotten that turn out to be even bigger than you initially thought.
- The associated optimism can lead to a longer life.
The celebration of small wins has long been associated with happiness and optimism. What’s even better is that optimism can also lend to longevity. A 2019 study found that those who are optimistic may have a 15 percent longer lifespan than those who are not optimistic, which is promising when so many parents struggle to wonder who will care for their neurodivergent children once they die. While access and certain life circumstances such as being disabled might make optimism more difficult, the ability to cultivate that optimism is made more possible through practicing gratitude, forgiving yourself, and extending grace.
Resources:
3 ways to celebrate your child’s victories, Autism and ADHD Connection, https://autismadhdconnection.com/3-ways-to-celebrate-your-childs-victories/
Ways to celebrate your child and celebrate wins, Spark Their Future, https://www.sparktheirfuture.qld.edu.au/why-celebrating-wins-can-help-your-child/
